All the more reason to vilify them in our cinematic and literary outlets. And this is something we have done quite well and quite often- and I don't care what you say, possessed, serial killer, zombie demon kids are perhaps the scariest lot of monsters ever invented.
Example #1- Gage, Pet Sematary
This kid was creepy even before he got hit by that truck and was buried in an Indian burial site- to be reborn as the crazy scalpel wielding, Achilles Heel slicing, throat feasting little bastard he became. What would you do if this little monster attacked you? You'd die. Go ahead, try to fling him across the room. He is undead. He is young. He is resilient. He'd likely bounce off of the wall, do a ninja flip and with ancient genetic mastery sink his little scalpel right into the pupil of your eye. Then, he would proceed to take you out and cackle, adding insult and creepiness to injury.
Example #2- Regan, The Exorcist
Damn right. And I chose this particular scene because it was the creepiest part of the movie for me. What is it about demons and kids? If I had to make up a statistic about possessions and kids, I would say that kids are the ones possessed 100% of the time. Anything else is just science-fiction.
Why? Because kids are little magnets for evil. Seriously, open one up sometime. You will see they have these little spectral devices attached to their heart and every time their heart pumps, it sends out a signal and if demons are nearby, BLAMO! Possessed kid.
Don't worry, this little device goes away when they turn thirteen and are able to be their own providers of sinister evil.
Example #3- Those Damn Twins, The Shining
First off, what stupid kid rides a plastic tricycle down the hall of a hotel? I mean, when I was a kid anything larger than my room was creepy- and more often than not even my room was creepy.
Oh wait, I know who... some tweaked out little milk carton poster-child that talks to his wiggling finger in a creepy voice reminiscent of an old lady that smoked for 100 years. THAT'S WHO!
It's no damn wonder this kid ends up running into the ghosts of some butchered twins. And they did it right- these kids were so creepy I vowed to never ever, ever ever have kids, ever.
I would also like to interject that creepy kids in creepy movies most likely were creepy kids before they even landed their roles. Want proof? Let's have a look at those evil minions of Satan's left testicle now:
Example #4-
You know what, screw this. This blog is creeping me out. As I write this, there is some little bastard giggling upstairs. And I don't even have kids.
I think you get the point about now. Kids. Are. Creepy.
No offense if you have them. Yay for you. Just keep them on a leash and out of my damn corn fields.
-Joel
PS: I don't really hate kids. Ok, yeah, I do.
