Taking A Blood Bathory

Artwork by my friend, Ian Misfit

We often think of gore and horror as only pertaining to books and movies, but sometimes we neglect some of the real life horror stories throughout history-the ones that modern books and movie scripts are usually derived and molded from, at least in part.

One of the goriest serial killers of all time has fueled vampire books and horror for centuries now. Many, many centuries actually. Some akin to the stories of Vlad the Impaler (my Dracula-yes, he's mine), the stories of Countess Elizabeth Bathory are some of the goriest, nastiest, bloodiest accounts of murder and blood-bathing (literally) ever. 

This woman was insane. Very, very insane.  She was only tried for the deaths of 80, though in reality, it's said that there were over six hundred! 


Some of the charges were as follows: 

• biting hands, faces, feet, genitalia, etc.
• sexual abuse
• freezing them to death
• performing surgeries on the victims-often fatal
• burning or mutilation of the victims hands, faces, and sometimes genitals
• starving victims to death

Bodies were often burned or buried in unmarked, shallow graves. Who really knows where she found all these women, but it's said that she had suppliers. I guess that adds human trafficking to her list of offenses, although in the sixteenth century I think that was actually allowed. Not sure. Either way, it's creepy. Can you imagine being bought only to be tortured, killed, and drained of your blood so that some bat-shit crazy Countess can bathe in it?


Oh yeah, Countess Bathory bathed in her victims' blood, according to legend, because she thought it was like stepping into a really twisted version of the Fountain of Youth. 


I know, however, that Bathory wasn't born to be a serial killer. She was born into society as a noble lady, part of society's nobility, I mean. Her family was of high society, as high as you could get in sixteenth century Transylvania. She was related to a Cardinal, a Prince, and a cousin who was the Prime Minister of Hungary. She married a Count, but he took her surname so that she could keep it (evidently her family was more popular than his). The Count was away at war through much of their marriage, and thus, a manservant in the Bathory household introduced Elizabeth to the occult. 

She bore several children after waiting ten years to start a family, and after 29 years of marriage, her husband-the Count-died in battle. This is when, according to my online sources, Elizabeth went bat shit crazy and began taking part in some pretty odd behavior. The first thing she did was send her mother-in-law away from the Castle. Not so bad, right? Well, then she began to take part in some freaky weird rituals involving animal sacrifices. She became so vain and obsessed with losing her beauty in that time. I read somewhere that she'd had a maid to comb her hair one day, but the maid accidentally pulled a strand. So, Bathory smacked the maid's hand so hard that it drew blood. A drop of the maid's blood hit Bathory's hand, and she swore that the blood maid her skin look younger. Elizabeth made her Major-domo and a servant strip the girl's clothing, cut her open, and drain the girl of all of her blood so that she could bathe in it. 

I really wish I were kidding.


After this, Elizabeth gained a few henchmen to carry out her dirty, bloody deeds for her. She found suppliers for her need for youth (she wanted young virgins, according to some legends), so she probably had a pretty steady stream of young women to kill. 


Once, a victim escaped her castle and told the authorities of the horrible atrocities that went on there. The castle was raided, and they found one dead girl, one half dead and full of holes, several in the dungeon that were pierced and full of holes, and 50 bodies were exhumed below the castle. 


A trial was held, and Bathory's two witches (yeah, this serial killer employed help from witches, too!) were executed. Bathory herself wasn't allowed to be executed because of her noble blood, so she was placed on strict house arrest.


The fact that her husband dying seemed to be what started this whole blood bath debacle made me wonder if the loss of love might have been part of the reason she went wacky (Get it? Wacky? *grins*). Or it could have been that after she watched her husband die and partially decompose she might have decided that she didn't want that to happen to her. Perhaps it was vanity that drove her mad. It was said that Elizabeth Bathory was one of the most beautiful women in her time. 

Think about it this way: back then, they didn't have embalming fluids-or at least they didn't use them if they did have them-and bodies would lay out for a day or two before being buried. Perhaps watching one who was close to her, that she may have even loved (arranged marriage, so it's hard to tell if she loved him or not) go through the changes of decomposition really, really fucked her up. Who really knows! 


All I have to say about her is this: I'd love....LOVE....to write a book about her. I may just do that one of these days.

The Smell of Death

Faster than the explanation of what's to come; faster than the hole to be dug; faster than the peace of death's needly kiss are those five seconds you get to say goodbye.

This blog site is dedicated to the grotesque and often bitter end to that which we all share in common as we read- life. We find ourselves constantly in the wake of an entertainment industry thriving on our gross curiosity and morbid fears. Many would look down upon us with loathe, thinking us some sick bastards who disrespect and mock the recurring theme of humanity we all have some fear of.

This may be true for some. Certainly there are morbid folks out there who take great joy in the decay of life. But nonetheless, death is a part of us, our culture and our celebrations. Why, this past Sunday, many celebrated the rebirth of a figure whose death promised them salvation- Jesus.

For me, it is not a sort of leisurely cheap entertainment. In fact, often I disconnect from scenes where death is displayed in colors more vivid than the forth of July aerial sparks we so fondly enjoy. My disconnect isn't a form of denial- but rather an acknowledgment and moving on- kind of like the social dysfunction we call promiscuity.

But today, when faced with the real whim of death, I did what most of us do... I died a little on the inside. Not so much because death occurred, for in this situation, death had already happened perhaps a month prior. No, I died inside for the same reasons that I think we, however small of a population (though I feel like everyone has this relationship in some fashion; be it in a movie, book, video game or music), all do when faced with it.

Peace. Jealousy. I used to have a theory that said we cried at funerals not simply because we will miss the one we love, but because we are jealous and feel great peace.

Jealous because they now know what we yet do not. Regardless of your faith and how much you have of it, one fact remains: none of us know for sure what lie on the other side. In this regard, I strongly believed that we were jealous of the dead. Their suffering and curiosity were both severed. Their time had come. They left us behind to wade in the morbid pools of anticipation.

Peace because especially when dealing with someone or something that has suffered for a long while, we feel relieved. We no longer have to deal with their outburst of abuses, deep ruses of their fear and strength. We no longer have to wonder when their last breath will draw near. We no longer have to take care of them, a task that we do out of love, but one we dislike greatly simply because we feel as if we are doing useless acts to calm inevitable storms.

Think me not insensitive. I cried. I am sad. I did not know this poor soul laid to rest well. I was not attached to him. But as I saw him accept his fate, long ago, witnessed by his lack of interest in holding on- which resulted in a rapid consumption of his mass and mind- I realized he was far braver than I.

He had a smell today, unlike anything I have smelled before and something for which I have no words. I knew, when taking him in, that his time was nigh. Having made all the necessary arrangements, and returning to him hours later, that final visit was all we had standing between us.

I had to carry emotions on behalf of other people who had fond memories. Those souls could not be there. I had to deliver their affections in the form of tears and sobs and comforting whispers. He could not look me in the eye. He knew what was coming but he also knew it had to be done. I think he felt like he was letting me down and putting me in this position of having to make that decision.

The doctor struggled with the needle- trying calmly and quickly to find a vein. He lay still not wincing with the pain of both needle and prediction. After what seemed to be hours, the correct placement of the needle was set and the long road of medicinal travels commenced.

Half-way through the process he let out some sound, a process that had to take a lot of effort as he had already lost the ability to communicate beyond whispers that day. And within seconds he passed to a slumber, his body unable to withstand the cruel force of gravity any longer.

We waited. Finally, the confirmation had to be, and was made. "He has passed," said the doctor with a rehearsed voice of comfort and professionalism. This was something he had done countless times before. How he managed to hold his composure is nothing short of a reality that his exposure to death had allowed him to find the beauty of it.

Wrapping Chekov in a towl, the doctor began to take him to the next step of the process which would prepare him for the final step. I had expected a sort of rigid reply from Chekov, having been under the impression that with death, stiffness sets in. However the bounty of peace we had just afforded him carried through with the total disconnect from his body. He was as flowing and responsive as the ocean, being pushed gently by the wind. His body rippled in response to the movement.

It is in this moment I realized that to some degree, my theory was not far off. Exposure to death prepares us for it. With each story, life lost, movie watched we become attuned to its call. We become peaceful to its cause. We realize that as cruel as it seems, this earth is not the end (we can talk about ghosts some time).

For the first time in my life I watched something die. I pushed the button, so to speak. I held him until he passed. Despite my distinct former fear of touching or being in proximity to the dead, I was able to pet his lifeless body and tell him I was sorry.

May you rest in peace. May you find comfort in death now for comfort humans and medicine could not and nature would not give to you in the last chapter of your life. I am very thankful that we are able to do for you what we cannot do for one another.

I shall not pursue this topic any longer for I have said all I intended to say. But in the macabre comes serenity. Thank you for showing me that, friend.

R.I.P. Chekov

Hounds of Hell!

The Demon Queen and the Demon Pup

My dog is in heat. She's a mutt, a good mix between a boxer and some kind of terrier. Not sure what kind. Her name is Heidi Mills Demon Pup (Just Heidi for short) and she's my constant companion. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Unfortunately, I live in a neighborhood where everyone just lets their dogs run all over the damn place and are completely uncaring for what the outcome is. Since Heidi's been in heat (and she's only one of 2 female dogs here and the other female is fixed already) I've woke up every morning with at least six male dogs on my porch waiting for her.

This terrifies me, and that's the reason I've chose to share this rant with splattercore--dogs are freakin bat-shit crazy scary, especially when there's a whole pack of them stalking my house. 

She's winking...and that's scary as hell.

Most of the dogs' owners around here come after their dogs once they realize that they're missing, but there's two dogs (same owner) who stay here all the time and never go home until I gather my wits about me and chase them off with rocks, sticks, boards with nails, or whatever I can find. This TERRIFIES ME because these are big dogs and I've seen them hurt other dogs, so they could easily hurt me, too. 

What's more--I have four kids who love to play outside. They can't do that when all those big scary dogs are out there, and even if the dogs take a break and go home, their, um, messes are still all over my yard. Believe me, I can't clean up after them fast enough. I woke up yesterday morning to find that sometime through the night, while Heidi and I were fast asleep, the pack of wild dogs tore up all my garbage, too. 

Cujo...*shivers*

Thanks, ass holes....

One of the two dogs that practically stays here kinda reminds me of Cujo. The fact that I wake up every single morning to a pack of crazy lust filled dogs in my yard has almost moved me to plot out a new horror short story about a woman protecting her home against the hounds of hell. I may just do it, and when I do, I'll write the dedication out to the owners of the two big scary ones, and then thank them for never keeping their dogs at home. 

Sniffs....

Little dogs are creepy, too.

I'm even having nightmares at night about all these dogs, and dreaming of the day when Heidi's appointment at the Vet's office comes up finally so I can have her fixed and not have to worry about crazy horny dogs in my yard tearing everything up and making it impossible for my four children to go outside and play (which keeps them out of MY hair while I'm trying to cook and do things around the house). 

So, my question (Finally, I know-I'm long winded) is this: Which scary dogs from movies do you think of when you encounter a scary dog? Some people are more afraid of small dogs than big ones (like my son, Tristan). Some are only afraid of fluffy ones. Some are scared of dobermans and rottweilers but not other types of dogs. I grew up with dobermans and rottweilers, so I'm not afraid of them at all.

Personally, I'm terrified of pit bulls, but only the ones that aren't cared for properly, and around here, there are a lot of those, too.

As much as I'm terrified of unkempt pit bulls, I do believe this q-tip doggie is the scariest one I've seen thus far. 

Share your favorite ones. Let's see if I can top them :)

That's my natural eye color...I just wear brown contacts.

For more of my rants, you can visit me all over the place. But, for starts, you can try my other blog, Rhiannon's Paranormally Romantic Bits & Pieces, where I discuss everything from adult toys, adult films, vampires, creepy things, creepy people, books, kids, scary stuff, and lots of other odds and ends. 

You can also find me on Facebook. Just look for Rhiannon Mills Demon Queen :) 

Happy Beaster Everyone!

 

Hope it is filled with treats, fun times, well wishers and many many many puppies! From all your pals at Splattercore!

Procreation is NOT okay.

You hate them, you love them. Maybe you love them, then they turn two and you hate them, then they turn six and you love them, then they turn 12 and you hate them again. But at some point in time you will hate kids.

All the more reason to vilify them in our cinematic and literary outlets. And this is something we have done quite well and quite often- and I don't care what you say, possessed, serial killer, zombie demon kids are perhaps the scariest lot of monsters ever invented.

Example #1- Gage, Pet Sematary
This kid was creepy even before he got hit by that truck and was buried in an Indian burial site- to be reborn as the crazy scalpel wielding, Achilles Heel slicing, throat feasting little bastard he became.

What would you do if this little monster attacked you? You'd die. Go ahead, try to fling him across the room. He is undead. He is young. He is resilient. He'd likely bounce off of the wall, do a ninja flip and with ancient genetic mastery sink his little scalpel right into the pupil of your eye. Then, he would proceed to take you out and cackle, adding insult and creepiness to injury.

Example #2- Regan, The Exorcist

Damn right. And I chose this particular scene because it was the creepiest part of the movie for me. What is it about demons and kids? If I had to make up a statistic about possessions and kids, I would say that kids are the ones possessed 100% of the time. Anything else is just science-fiction.

Why? Because kids are little magnets for evil. Seriously, open one up sometime. You will see they have these little spectral devices attached to their heart and every time their heart pumps, it sends out a signal and if demons are nearby, BLAMO! Possessed kid.

Don't worry, this little device goes away when they turn thirteen and are able to be their own providers of sinister evil.

Example #3- Those Damn Twins, The Shining

First off, what stupid kid rides a plastic tricycle down the hall of a hotel? I mean, when I was a kid anything larger than my room was creepy- and more often than not even my room was creepy.

Oh wait, I know who... some tweaked out little milk carton poster-child that talks to his wiggling finger in a creepy voice reminiscent of an old lady that smoked for 100 years. THAT'S WHO!

It's no damn wonder this kid ends up running into the ghosts of some butchered twins. And they did it right- these kids were so creepy I vowed to never ever, ever ever have kids, ever.

I would also like to interject that creepy kids in creepy movies most likely were creepy kids before they even landed their roles. Want proof? Let's have a look at those evil minions of Satan's left testicle now:


Example #4-
You know what, screw this. This blog is creeping me out. As I write this, there is some little bastard giggling upstairs. And I don't even have kids.

I think you get the point about now. Kids. Are. Creepy.

No offense if you have them. Yay for you. Just keep them on a leash and out of my damn corn fields.



-Joel

PS: I don't really hate kids. Ok, yeah, I do.

Vampire Monsters Vs. Vampire Lovers - Why not both?

For those of you who may not know this about me, I'm a Mom--first and foremost. But, I wear many, many hats.  I'm also a writer, author, columnist, and reviewer (books, adult films, adult toys, comics).  I have my fingers in a lot of cookie jars! 

That being said, one of my favorite things in the world is reviewing books that make me so scared of my shadow that I'm ready to piss myself. The side of me that is also an erotica lover somewhat mingles with my horror loving side a bit, and yes, I love erotic vampire books.


I recently got a new one from Good Vibrations (I'm an affiliate of this company and also write for the Good Vibrations Magazine) that was published by Cleis Books. It's an anthology of vampire erotica called The Sweetest Kiss, and it's absolutely superb. Four stars from the reviewer (me)--and I don't give my stars away lightly.

Ahem....where was I? Oh yeah, back to the vampire erotica.

My question, however, is this: How is it that some folks out there, possibly many of you, think that a vampire cannot be a romantic being when one of the very first ones--in fact--was Dracula? If you remember correctly, Prince Vlad himself was, very much, capable of feeling love for another person/being in the form of the very odd love and possible obsession he had for Mina Harker. 


Not only was Vlad capable of feelings such as love and lust, but so were some of the very first vampires ever mentioned in history. If you research a little bit, you'll find out quite quickly that some of the very first accounts of vampires were from before medieval times. Those vampires were said to sneak in through windows and under doors in the form of a vapor. Then they would materialize into a more human form, sleep with their victims, and drain them dry of their blood. They were incubus/succubus vamps. There's LUST, if I'm not mistaken. 

I'm a vampire...RAWR!

Vampires being depicted as monsters are alright by me, too. After all, I'm a horror fan. That being said, I'm not gonna knock the vamps who are a little more human and loveable (although, I dislike the sparkling variety but loved the books and the story line that went with them). The vampires in my books are quite personable, too, even though they're bloodthirsty killers primarily. I think it's quite possible for a vampire to go out and rip someone's throat out one minute, then come home to the man/woman he or she loves and have awesome sex. Or maybe just a cuddle on the couch accompanied with some light blood play. 


Don't knock something until you try it, right? 


Please, by all means, give me your insight on this. I'd love to know from both an author standpoint and a reviewer's standpoint. 


But be warned. If you think you know more about vampire history than me...you probably don't. And if you do, I want to be your new best friend lol ! 

Yours Eternal, 
Rhiannon Mills





To find out more about my crazy vampire romance fiction, you can visit me at http://www.rhiannonmills.blogspot.com  or you can just email me for info. 

Really, I'm all over the darn place. Just google my name and see what pops up! 

The Thrill of Thriller

Before he was infamously iconic for 'Vitiligo', setting his jerry curl juice aflame, hanging babies off balconies and a plethora of other 'choice' actions.. Micheal Jackson was, quite simply, 'The Man'. How I'd long for the days of Micheal Past when it was all Billy Jean and Bad instead of this white woman in his place that can DANCE like Michael but with the added surprise of flinging body parts off of his/her face while he/she is moonwalking along. I can continue on with all the pro's and con's of his life BUT.... i digress and choose to leave sleeping dogs, or rather, dead rotting corpses, to rest.

Speaking of rotting corpses; I give you one of the most beloved and widely known song/choreography ever composed by ANY artist, ever.




'Thriller' was Micheal's 6th studio album released in 1982 under Epic Records. The album itself skyrocketed Micheal's up and coming fame even more so and cemented his title as artist of the century. The album contained some of the most well known works by Michael Jackson including "Billie Jean", "Beat It" and, of course, "Thriller"

'Thriller' was directed by John Landis (known for his work on 'A Werewolf in London' and 'Blues Brothers 2000') and was released as one of the the first theatrical music videos ever created. The video is considered "a watershed moment for the [music] industry" and went on to receive national and global acclaim. Guinness World Records listed it in 2006 as the "most successful music video" and in 2009, was inducted into the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress, the first music video to ever receive this honor, for being “culturally, historically or aesthetically” significant. "Thriller" went on to win MTV Awards in 1984 in three categories: Viewer's Choice, Best Choreography and Best Overall Performance in a Video. In 1999 the Video was award by MTV again as '100 Greatest Music Videos Ever Made'. It also won a Grammy in 1984 for "Best Video Album" and again in 1985 for "Best Video, Long Form".

The video resides on the list of 'Most Expensive Music Videos Ever Made' with production Costs at $1,877,233.42. (Michael Jackson has 5 videos on this list alone, with 'Scream' a video preformed with his sister, Janet; topping the list at a staggering $9,303,080.93) Mind you this is in 1983, when people were still peeing in their pants over the giant brick we called cell phones.

Aside from the obvious achievements and accolades this video alone has raked in for the departed artist, 'Thriller' is still one of my favourite videos. I can remember being a kid and watching MTV waiting for the recognizable opening disclaimer: "Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses a belief in the occult." This is back when Michael wanted to be a Jehovah's Witness, by the way. Makes you wonder if you would've slammed the door in his face at 7 in the morning on Sunday any LESS hard. I'm also pretty sure 'Jesus Juice' isn't on the list of 'things I'm allowed to ingest' according to that particular faith, but, that's a whole other blog post...

I would stare at the choreography for hours, painstakingly trying to mimic intricate dance moves all the while enthralled by the voice of one Vincent Price, who I think I had a thing for even back then.. 20 or so years later, and i still can't moonwalk, its more like a sad attempt at dragging my feet across the floor glancing over my shoulder hoping i don't plow into the coffee table and crack my head open or step on the cat only to be mauled from the ankle up. BUT, i can do one hell of a Thriller dance and can shuffle/monster hand/ clap with the best of them. Speaking of the Best of them: there's a jail in the Philippines that.. oh you know what, you can watch that too

Comics: Marvel Zombies Supreme #1-3

A HUNGER SUPREME! They were the Squadron Supreme, heroes exiled from another dimension to our own…but the twisted science of the Project Pegasus facility infected these defenders with a virulent zombie strain. Now it’s up to Jill Harper’s desperate special ops team to keep the plague contained within the facility—whatever the cost. But Harper discovers that the Squadron wasn’t the only unconscionable experiment being kept off the Pegasus records…and her shocking find may be the key to saving the human race. Join Frank Marrafino (Haunted Tank) and Fernando Blanco (MARVEL ZOMBIES 5, THUNDERBOLTS) as the bodies and unpredictable resurrections climax in the most gore-soaked chapter of the Marvel Zombies saga yet!

So that's the spiel from Marvel so how was it really? Well to be honest I was really let down with issue #1. I have not seen bad writing like this for a while, sure there were the splatter moments we come to expect from this brand of marvel comics. But seriously as the above picture shows..... One liners like this made me think I was reading a comic from the 90's... From the get go and the underground deep leveled scientific "hive" I could see Resident Evil all over this baby... Where were the original stories that kept me hanging in the original... Although you can never really top Zombie Spiderman Eating his family. But I really expected more from this issue

Luckily with issue #2 it got somewhat better but still made me feel like I was watching the Great Lakes Avengers with the amount of unmerited slapstick... The only part that really made me pay attention and that was for pure shock value was the parody of a certain DC universe origin.  But the story was flat and formulaic and I am struggling..

Issue #3 was a chore to get through.... With only 2 more issues to go I am pretty certain they can't pull it off.... But if your looking for some light reading with some nice graphic gore bits, and a strange shout out with scenes based in Kansas check it out..Well maybe don;t say I didn't warn you...

Check it out, but if your really looking for a better read and have never read them, check out the original Marvel Zombies now that's how you do a Zombie Comic. 

From Death Came Life

As we near the sunrise on what promises to be my next birthday, I figured I would offer you, the reader, a present. It isn't a shiny new car or the mail-order bride of your dreams (though I know a man who knows a man in Kazakhstan), but a trinket of knowledge that is sure to beguile your visual and critical thinking perceptions.

For many years I had heard about a movie that I really never explored watching. One reason was the movie was made in the early 70's. I admit, as a latch-key kid, I am all too inclined to follow my ADD imbued, Ritalin "cured" ways of indulging only in things that offer immediate gratification and require little effort to keep up with. Another reason was accessibility- which again seems to follow suite of the former in that if I can't find it right away, I'd rather stare at the shiny object I saw just moments before. But an even bigger admission is the Joel-foot-sized bruise I have on my ass from the self-kicking I did for having not taken in this little diamond of a movie way earlier.

Haling from a decade best known for its annoying disco music and overuse of orange and red as carpet and home decor coloring, Harold and Maude both fits and did not fit into the decade of its birth. It preceded the splattercore generation of films by several years, and like its genre-distant cousin The Exorcist, I imagine it was just too shocking for many baby boomers to really sit down and appreciate for the beauty within.

Now I can't make false promises. This movie does take a bit of imagination, and perhaps effort to watch. If you are looking to check it out, I highly recommend you obtain or use your Netflix account, as last I saw, it was available on streaming.

The imagination portion is cited because while there is a reasonable amount of visual stimulation, it is more like a gore-appetizer. If you need a huge feast of blood and guts, you will have to do what we did before movies were so accessible and we were all reading: use your imagination.

And there is nothing wrong with that. If you are able to bypass a topic many consider hush-hush and offensive, of which I am referring to suicide; and if you are able to connect the imagery dots (presuming you are like me and also were born in the decade of Pee-Wee Herman, Nightmare on Elm Street and some of the most hideous clothing color-combinations in fashion design ever made by man), you will find perhaps one of the best cinematic experiences ever made.

Now I realize my opinion is subjective. So I offer the following "trailer" for the movie. Be warned, this is basically a spoiler for all of the "hard-core" action within the movie (and no, the film is not in German. It seems only the Germans cared enough to post something so awesome):

Now, getting that out of the way- we move on. There is a deeper meaning to the movie. Consider the suicides, in all of their glory, to be a ruse. Well, more than a ruse, perhaps an explanation on the disconnect modern man has with... modern... man?

I have to make a self-admission. No, don't call the authorities, I am not going to off myself. But when I think of this movie, I realize I have way too much in common with Harold. When I talk to the general mass of cosmic bacteria on a daily basis, I feel as though they do as well.

I feel like this is one of those movies that can help you appreciate the trivial joke called life, the uncomfortable subject of death and the true meaning of love better than any pill you could ever take. It isn't to be disrespectful, but let's be honest, life and death are both disrespectful of the entities that have to endure them.

Might as well have a sick and twisted sense of humor. And there is one more reason to watch this movie: So when I bump into you at some random coffee house- or poodle park or nudist colony or Blizzcon (yes, I play World of Warcraft, deal) or a bar, presuming I am not drunk from having to endure yet another social function of the awkward label-variety- we can have a neat conversation. And when we have a neat conversation and I ask you if you have ever seen Harold and Maude, and you say yes... you can see me smile. Something I don't do too often because too many people have never seen (or even heard of) Harold and Maude.

Or... just do it for Uncle Victor. That dude is awesome.

-Joel

Why We Love Blood

I was reminiscing today about one of my favorite games of all time. Now, I know this is not an outlet for some of us direction-pad nerds, but hear me out.

The year was 1996, I believe. The platform was Playstation- not that crappy "de"volving POS they sell in stores now, but the old school gray box... Anyways, so here I was at my local Game Stop looking for the next latest and greatest when I see something that catches my eye.

I mean come on, there is a sword impaling a dragon... who wouldn't want this?! So I buy it, with my whole paycheck, unsure what to expect.

So here we are. Opening scene. Bandits. Fight about to happen. Fight is going to happen. Oh, them's fighting words! It's on!! It's my turn! Target... select attack... and then?

Mount Carotid erupted! I don't mean beads of blood implied to the left of the guy you just upper-cut, while some random face with an awkward smile zips to the front of the screen yelling "whoopie!" No, I mean the kind of red spray you could paint a barn with.

It was power. I was hooked. Moving characters here, slicing faces there, perhaps the occasional Salamander summon. And to each end was a character blasting a geyser load of blood into the air and back down to the ground (though I admit I would have rather seen Salamander victims resemble a peasant after a visit from Trogdor).

So what is it that drives this hunger? Why do we watch Spartacus? Why do we flock to Saw to see what new contraption Jigsaw has made for his next wave of victims? What is so addictive about mashing a sequence of keys to see your favorite icy warrior rip the head and spine out of a body?

I wish I had the answer. Maybe I do, but I'm not telling because the last time I did that they put that jacket on too tight and my walls weren't soft enough.

-Joel

Farewell Sarah Jane Smith: Elisabeth Sladen Passes.

And like a lot of people my age my first television crush was Sarah Jane Smith.... Bouncy and Bubbly ever inquisitive even to this day represents what I love in a woman...

Elisabeth Sladen was an amazing actress and today the world shines a little colder with her passing. Running as the Doctors most recognisable companion since 1973, even spanning two spin-off series, with the ever faithful K9 she  was an icon of the English BBC. 

I hope her new adventure is even more amazing than her ones in the series. 

So to you prettylady we send love and wish you God speed on your new journey.

To quote the School Reunion episode "The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship... Everything has its time. And everything ends. "

I Am Legend Makeup Test

Just seen this amazing clip, the special effects a realism are astounding. This is a purely amazing example of how modern day prosthetic's can be so much than CGI.  

What is a Splatter Film?

For the simplest answer a Splatter Film is a horror movie with more gore aspects and scenes than most, first coined by George Romero for his movie Dawn of The Dead. This sub-genre although unnamed at the time was first thought to be created with the Herschell Gordon Lewis movie Blood Feast.

Blood Feast

For the first time on screen there was depictions of blood and gore on the screen in full graphic realism. From the get go the movie showed more blood and gore than ever before. From the 60's onwards this sub branch continued to grow as more and more people learnt the art of special effects bringing great artists like Dick Smith, Tom Savini, Rick Bake, Rob Bottin, Giannetto De Rossi and Peter Jackson into the public arena. 

Cannibal Holocaust

And now with the next generation riding on the wave created by these industry leaders. The Splatter film has gone from B-Grade movies of the exploitation films of the 70's to the A grade movies of the 80's such as American Werewolf in London, The Thing, Bad Taste and The Evil Dead. Series to name a few. 

The Thing

With Equipment and the digital age making so much of the film industry cheaper. It is certain that the splatter film will stay popular for many many decades to come with great new indie projects and international studios always breaking new ground. 

Tokyo Gore Police

The Crow Remake? It cannot be!!!

Yeah...that's me.

Hey folks. Rhiannon here. Just thought I'd drop into Splattercore to bitch about the upcoming remake of one of my all-time favorite, sooooper duper favorite movies EVARRRRR, The Crow.

Yeah, remember? 1993? Brandon Lee lost his life making this awesome movie that, if I'm not mistaken, derived from an awesome comic book? And I just happen to love comics.

Anyhow, some lame brain in Hollywood (not to name any names right now because I'm too pissy to fool with googling) decided that he should remake The Crow. The reason he's doing this is completely unknown, but in my opinion, no reason is a good reason to remake a classic. It's just ridiculous to try. It's gonna flop! *crosses fingers behind back*

The Crow was a great film. We all know that. However, it will be nothing....NOTHING...without the awesome soundtrack, and the bands we have to choose from today will never hold a candle to the likes of Nine Inch Nails and Hole on the original soundtrack. NEVER!!!! What ruined, gang ridden, rat infested, dumpty dump city would be complete without Courtney Love bellowing idiotic lyrics out of her manhole while wearing a dishcloth and a silk ribbon tied around it as her ensemble? It's just unthinkable that some idiot thinks he can recreate this masterpiece! Who are they gonna put on the soundtrack? Justin Bieber? Aaah!

Not to mention that the set will be haunted. If I were an actor working on the remake, I'd be incredibly suspicious of all props on the set.

I'm not finished with this yet. I'll keep everyone posted on the status of this remake as often as possible because The Crow was a film that, in my youth, caused me to really, really, really think about life in general. It centered around a really sad story in which a good lookin' fella (Brandon Lee playing the role of "Eric") takes out revenge on the thugs that viciously raped, tortured, and murdered his lady love. To do this, Eric comes back from the dead. Seriously. Only, he wasn't like a zombie. No body parts rotting and falling off.

Sighs...

Just watch a video, okay.

Oh, and by the way, Brandon Bruce Lee is rolling in his grave right now... RIP, sweetheart.No one forgot you or your great work on the film :)

Return of The Living Dead, lets get back to this blogging thing.

So tonight I watched Return of The Living Dead, a classic splatterpunk zombie movie from 1985. Originally the brain child of John Russo of Night of The Living Dead fame, he had retained the rights for "Living Dead" when he and Romero parted company. This film was based on Russo's novel, and had been slated for Tobe Hooper to Direct and a 3D release to have been made. When Tobe backed down to make his Space Vampire epic Lifeforce,  Dan O'Bannon took over the direction totally re writing Russos script making it the new more comedic "Splatstick" version. 


With special effects by puppeteers Allan Trautman, and Tony Gardner this is one of my personal favourite horror films. The Tarman Especially is to this day on of the greatest zombies ever made, and his scene is a classic canon that any horror enthusiast knows "Brains...more brains. 

More Brains!

But at the core of this film, like Return of The Living Dead 3 is a love story, now as a gore guy I have a warped sense of romance something my Girlfriend luckily appreciates. But the tale of our main protagonists as he slides into a Zombie state and his long suffering girlfriends is a story that I feel has been lost in current horrors.  Freddy and Tina's struggle right till the very end of the film is an amazing sub story, even down to the fact that Tina's brains are the ones he craves alone. I like to think that when the Zombie apocalypse comes my gals brains will be the only brains for me. Although reality is I will most likely wake up chained to the bed with her standing over me with a turkey baster.... She likes to be on the winning team.

Love After Death.

Another great aspect is the soundtrack to the film filled with great Punk and Metal songs, it always brings me back to the years when punk was dirty, angry and I loved it. The trioxin theme at the start is well made and one of my personal favourite movie starting scenes. The whole movie is a joy visually and combined with the music is a real time capsule to a time pre cgi when movie magic was just that magic. Some thing I feel a lot of modern movies fail to capitalise on. 


So if your looking for a classic film that still holds true in a genre that has been overdone, check out Return of The Living Dead. With great effects, classic one liners, dead naked chicks and a love story to boot I give this one 7/10 Splats. It's not classic horror but it's not what it is meant to be.